Going it Alone is Just Too Lonely
One of the things I think we can all agree upon is that if we want to succeed, it sure does help to have support.
I know we all think at one time or another that we don’t need anybody or anything; all we need is to be tough. You know; like our grandparents were. Power through it. Stand on your own two feet. Be a self-made man/woman.
Ok. Sure, Grandpa.
But what if we have some kind of debilitating factor? Some of us have depression. Others are suffering from self-doubt. There could be physical factors involved. There are many things that could be holding us back. And we find that we just can’t drag ourselves to write.
Solitude Can Backfire
Now, don’t get me wrong. I wish we could live the stereotypical life of authors that we see in movies. They get to be all alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, soaking in all that solitude, for as many months as it takes to finish that book. Any turmoil we see them suffer during their “writer’s block” stages only seem to make them stronger. They overcome their emotional and mental blocks all on their own.
The author completes the book, the agent loves it, the publishers have it out in hardcover in only a few months, and then we see the author at a book-signing, all smiles.
Oh, if only.
We know this isn’t the case. These movies might only make us feel bad that we are not already where the fortunate movie character is: published. When publishing seems an eon away, that is even more debilitating.
The Wrong People to Ask
This, my fellow writers, is why we need support. Not just from within, not just from above, not just from the bottle (not a good idea in any case), not just from the cat, but from actual people in your life who will give you constructive feedback. We may already know this, but it takes guts to ask.
That said, there is a wrong way to go about this. Do NOT try to get support from a family member (ok, I’m talking mainly about parents) who spent their years raising you and saying that you will never amount to a hill of beans. You think they’ve changed since those times? Oh, sure. You’re right; they’ve changed. They’ve gotten worse; that’s what’s changed.
It is okay to keep your ambitions from them if you know that they will continue to derail your efforts. What I’m trying to say is: they will manipulate you into failure. They’re very good at that. Save yourself.
Going to the opposite extreme won’t help you either. Do NOT ask only friends who will coddle you too much to spare your feelings. That’s like knowing somebody’s letting you win at checkers. Nice friends are good to have around to give your ego a Band-Aid or a lift, but you also need something a little more helpful.
The Right Support From the Right People
We know what kind of “support” you DON’T need. So, where do you find the kind of support you DO need?
You don’t have any friends that would be helpful? Been there. Your family doesn’t quite understand what you’re after? Check.
Here’s what you can do:
1) Make New Friends Who Will Support You and Be Honest With You
Just mention to somebody you know well and like that you are trying to write a book. You’ll know you’ve found the right person by the way he or she reacts and what they say about it. Then you just be bold and confident and ask that person if being an accountability partner would be of interest to them. It really works. And it feels wonderful.
2) Buy Some Support
If you can afford it, get a life coach. I mean it. A life coach worth his or her salt can be the most helpful, validating, motivating support you can possibly find anywhere. Just make sure to get a properly accredited life coach. They can be expensive, though. Perhaps you can find a way to deduct the cost of your sessions. A tax advisor might find a way!
3) Find a Writers’ Group
You may have to meet over Zoom or something for a while, since COVID has cancelled so many events, but it will still help to some degree. Other writers will understand everything, and I mean everything, that you are going through. Don’t believe me? Remember: writers, especially those of fiction, memoirs, self-help, and poetry, have gone through countless trials, both in their personal lives and in their vocations. Every experience you’ve had will be matched or one-upped by at least one writer in your group. If it isn’t, just wait for another person to join. Support, at this point, is imminent.
4) Create Your Own Writers’ Group
Maybe the groups you’ve found are all too far away, or none of them are in your genre. Or maybe the groups just have WAY too many members for your comfort level, and you know you’ll just be another piece of plankton in the sea. Then you take charge and make your own group. I’m willing to bet that somebody out there will be grateful if you do.
5) Hire a Professional Proofreader
Do not, and I mean do NOT try to be your own proofreader. Your eyes will not see what others’ eyes see; you will see what your brain thinks you intended to write. This is how our brains work; it’s not your fault. Even proofreaders hire proofreaders. The same goes for editors. The cost is not that substantial, especially when you consider how much time it takes to edit or proofread something. But a novel or other written work is filled with big or even little mistakes—now THAT is what can cost you. Proofreaders, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, are also excellent supporters.
They’re Doing it for You, Because You Matter to Them
Whatever method of support you find, all you must remember is that they are doing this for you. Pay them back by using their support and getting your stuff written. Consider their advice and take it if it makes sense. Thank them in your acknowledgements.
And if they really are good supporters, ask them again for your next book. They will feel honored that you value them so much.